Friends & Fools Gold

Q4 | 2020

Author

Taylor Kendal
December 29, 2025

Well then...since I already pushed a political button for the Q3 update, I'll resist the urge to dissect the hot mess that is the unfolding election, and instead dig into a close cousin of politics, friendship :)

Not sure if anyone else experiences this, but I've become increasingly (and acutely) aware of the gap between espoused friendship, and actual rubber meets the road brother/sisterhood. Especially in this current untethered scene of metamodernity, where folks all seem to be disenfranchised, disconnected, or downright delusional.

For quite some time, I was perplexed by the yawning gulf between what was espoused in the wee hours of revelry and what was truly embodied in the light of day. Everyone with whom I experienced Kairos (i.e. sacred timespace), I assumed to be fellow cosmonauts, or at least reasonable bed-fellows. I assumed that we shared an oath to walk each other home late at night amid whatever madness might be creeping up around us.

In mountaineering, if you are "on belay," meaning tethered to another by rope to keep you safe, then you're existentially affixed to that person until you plant your feet back down on solid ground. There's no untying because you got bored or preferred to play in the sandbox with someone else. Same thing (I assumed) was the case in the transformational scene of humanity 2.0 (i.e. 2020). We're all in this together right?

But at the party at the end of times, the one we all seem ready and willing to throw these days—where sexuality, music, substances, and wild-ass neo-shamanic spirituality seem to be all the rage… I'm not sure that we're all honoring our roles and looking out for each other. And while I feel closer to understanding why, there are still mysteries to be unearthed (or willfully ignored depending on your frame).

Aristotle & Friendships
Fortunately, with help from the always reliable Jamie Wheal, I dove headfirst into Aristotle and I found some much needed clarity. Maybe not for everyone, but if I'm ever in search of perspective, I always find ancient philosophy to offer a reliable dose of ah-ha. 

According to Aristotle, there are transactional friendships, hedonistic friendships and virtuous friendships, and mistaking one for another isn't recommended and can cause a lot of confusion and grief. So here's what I've noticed playing out in the new-age scene for which I do feel deeply connected to given my flower-power upbringing (love you mom, love you dad). Some of the "parties" being thrown these days are awesome, so awesome in fact, that many of us are gathering there at the magnetic and hedonistic level of celebration.

But transactors are showing up too—there to gain access to drugs, sex, money, power, or the ever-present "influence" they so desperatly crave. Hedonists are obviously there, because in every generation that's what the beautiful people do. And finally, in far fewer numbers, are the virtuous. Those for whom the party is a high point but not The Point, who approach celebrations more as a post-modern Dionysian ritual of some sort—to commune in shared Kairos. Btw, for those of you playing along at home, sometimes distracted by all the glitz, glam, and the glitter, remember... angels and moths are both drawn to the light!

As long as the music's bumping and the neurochemicals are coursing, it's all good and everyone's united in the shared transcendent groove, but what happens when it's time to clean up, the cops show up, someone cracks or breaks up, and there's real work to be done in the world? Then what? Who do we turn to when shit gets REAL? What happens when there's a margin call? When all of the synthesized love needs to reveal itself as more than party pyrite (i.e. fools gold)?

The transactors slip out the back door, often making off with your last few beers, the hedonists start checking their phone for the after-party (there's always an after-party), and then there's the virtuous ones; those who meant what they said and are in for the long haul, in sickness and in health—recently, that's who I've been keeping my eye out for, no matter how few they may be in number.

Because if we imagine that everyone who scored a ticket to the party at the end of time is there for the same reasons, we're going to be left holding the bag when help is needed most. At minimum, that can get super confusing or hurtful, but on the other hand it can be terrifyingly dangerous to look down when you're a thousand feet off the deck and your belayer isn't even tied into your rope anymore...he got a DM in IG and headed for the hills. 

So as techniques of ecstasy and transcendence have become democratized, they've also become diluted and polluted. The castle of the Holy Grail, the one we flock to in order to drink from the Love Cup, happens to share an inside wall with the Hotel California. Greedy, lizard brain fuck monkeys happen to dwell there and it leads to the hell realms of addiction, distraction and near endless confusion.

This matters more and more as we charge forth into the ever-present FUD. Things are unraveling at a brisk clip, and the ratio of hedonistic revelry to heroic action is quick to tilt. You might have noticed this already during quarantine where the lifestyle coaches and neoshamans (think Deepak) have flat-fuck disappeared—they have nothing to say or contribute—while other bands of folks have self-assembled to be of service to each other and their communities.

So while things are already uneven af, take stock, and then the time, to sort your social graph. Who in your life is there because they get something from it? Who is there as long as there's good times to be had, but rarely any longer? And who's there for you, with you, and without you, through the inevitable shit and the shine? The virtuous! And while we're at it, it seems equally important to reverse the inquiry—who do you show up for (how/why) and is it enough to simply self-reflect? 

Ok, on to the good stuff...

Taykentots I'm currently snacking on:

I always love hearing back (and always reply), so don't hesitate.

With ❤️ (distance) & skepticism,
~Tayken

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